I know that this blog post is waaaay overdue. I have had a rough couple of weeks and there has been a lot of changes going on. I’ll fill you in…
The last blog I posted was my extremely fun sting ray incident. That set me back a few days, walking was hard and I think I had a little bit of PTSD thinking about it lol. I was banned from the water/beach while my wound healed and I knew no one in SJDS at the time so I thought I would head to Granada that weekend to see some of my friends. That went ok. On the way to Granada I was on the bus (chicken bus) and realized my foot was all wet, I thought, “Why is my foot all wet?” I looked down and it was bloody…! My wound had opened and was gushing. But I was on a bus and there was little that I could do. That has been the only thing that has happened to my foot since. I am glad to say the purple is gone, but I still have a healing owie. People are shocked when they see the size, it is very small!
The following week in SJDS was one let down after another. I went to have my meeting with the director of the Centro de Salud because I had my certification (or so I thought) from Rivas which took me TWO weeks! I cant remember if I wrote about that or not…I finally got the necessary paperwork, had to go to the nearby big city of Rivas to meet with the director of this entire district to get certification. When I get nervous my Spanish ability tends to go down the toilet. So talking to him it continued to get worse and worse. He looked at my paperwork and goes, “You’re a liar, I don’t like liars and I don’t like when people lie to me.” In spanish of course. I was like, “what…?!?” I was really confused. He claimed that my claim of wanting to monitor and evaluate two programs in SJDS was a lie, what I really was going to do was get personal information from Nicaraguans and go back to the US and talk about them. I said no, then he told me to get out of his office. It was the weirdest meeting of my life. I waited the waiting room for about 30 minutes and then the secretary came out with a paper giving me clearance to work (or so I thought…) It had a bunch of codes on it. I asked her if I could work with this and she said yes. I just figured the director had a power trip problem and liked to be an asshole whenever the opportunity presented itself. So, with that I went back to SJDS very excited that I would finally be able to get to work!
Back to my meeting with the guy in SJDS. I brought him the paperwork from the asshole who said I was a liar and he said you cant work with this. I was like what?!?! He said the asshole who thinks you’re a liar (well those weren’t his exact words…) only gave you clearance to do health classes. WTF! I was so angry, upset, disappointed, confused, exasperated and every other emotion you can think of. He told me to come back tomorrow at 8 am to meet the nurses and we could talk about health classes. I then really started realizing that SJDS was not going to meet my requirements for school. But I still held out hope. So the next day I went to the centro de salud and waited, and waited, and waited and then for shits and giggles waited some more. 90 minutes or more in total. He never showed. This is the day I surrendered and said I give up. I have tried so hard to do nothing. These people don’t respect me, they don’t want to utilize me and my skills and I am wasting my time, energy and money here. I went home and started sending out e-mails to other organizations (both abroad and in the US) hoping for a miracle.
The next day I moved to a new apartment. It was kind of an awkward situation because my original land lady would almost not take no for an answer. I told her I really needed internet (I have been spending waaay too much to use it) and informed me that if I sit on the street corner I can get a signal. I did that for two days and then decided that it was ridiculous. So I moved. My new place is smaller then my old place, BUT it ha A/C (a godsend) INTERNET, and a washer and dryer! All for $175 a month. I do have to pay electric which will be mas o menos $50 a month. My old place was $200 and I had to pay to use internet and to wash my clothes, so I actually will save money here.
Sometime last week I got an email from a women from an organization that I emailed called the Big Push for Midwives. She was very excited and immediately offered me a position! So what does this mean? I am leaving Nicaragua. Not today, and not tomorrow. But sooner, much sooner, then anticipated. I have decided to hang out until my original ticket (December 17) and travel and continue with the sporadic health classes with the original organization I came down here with. It is sad. It is a decision that for the past 10 days I have really struggled with. Nothing, NOTHING down here went as I had hoped. It is disappointing. But I am realizing that often things in life, even things that you really want, and even if you work really hard for them, sometimes don’t work out. Sometimes, shit just happens. At times I have felt like a failure and extremely sad that I will be leaving like 6 months sooner. But I am trying to take the stance that in life, everything happens for a reason. I truly believe that. I have yet to figure out exactly why I needed to come down here, but I know eventually the lesson will appear. I have finally made peace with my decision and know that I literally did everything in my power, week after week to make it work down here. I am very excited for my new position.
So, what will I be doing? The Big Push for Midwives main goal is to change the model of maternity care in the US to something that is more sustainable with better birth outcomes for mother and baby (much like the model in Europe). Fun Fact, the US is 42 in the World for Maternal Mortality (MM) and 19 for infant Mortality (IM), bet you didn’t know that did you? It is appalling and shameful, and this is something I am very passionate about. Just some examples of countries that have better MM and IM rates then us: the entire continent of Europe, including the entire former soviet bloc, Cuba, all of East Asia, Australia and many other Caribbean nations that are much poorer than us. The Big Push is working to legalize midwives in all 50 states (they are currently legal in 25) and to assure Medicaid reimbursement for midwifery so all people have access to different choices for birth. They are also working very closely with all the healthcare reform that is going on in DC right now and leading advocacy efforts nationwide. So, what will I be doing? I will be doing outreach, database creation and maintenance, creating coalitions and partnerships with other organizations, creating documents for the website (like FAQ, info sheets, what can you do as an individual etc…), social networking/blogging (facebook, twitter etc…), website updating, grant research and general research on why the midwife model of care for maternity care is better, more affordable and has better health outcomes then our current medical model in the US. We are the ONLY industrialized country in the world where midwives DO NOT attend all low-risk, healthy pregnancies (apprx. 80-90% of births depending on population) and yet we still have HORRENDOUS birth outcomes. Obviously, something isn’t working! So, needless to say, I am very excited because this is an issue I am deeply passionate about. I realized a few weeks ago that what I was doing in Nicaragua was lacking my personal passion and enthusiasm. I am going to start working down here (have already begun research) and continue for the next 6-ish months. I will be spending a lot of my time in Seattle at home, as the main three people of this organization are spread out in Michigan, Albequerque and New York City. I will be traveling to all three places and the organization will be paying for all my travel expenses and providing housing for me in those places. Very exciting! It is very nice to be recognized and rewarded for having a skill, something I felt was not happening down here in Nicaragua. I cant wait to get started!
Also, I am not going to Australia with my friend Colin in January. Sooo excited! We had talked about this before Nicaragua came up and as a result were unable to go because of Nicaragua. Well, now we are going! He works for Virgin Atlantic and I am on his flight list so I get to fly suuuper cheaply ( : It is ok to hate me. But, I have to fly from Seattle-LA and from LA I will fly to London on Virgin. I will be there for a few days to break up flying. Then we fly from London to Hong Kong and Hong Kong to Sydney. To go from LA-Sydney takes 48 hours, hence the break up in London. Even though it’s a pretty crazy flight pattern, the price is ridiculous and is literally thousands less then I would pay on my own! Awesome. So there will undoubtedly be fun adventures and stories to come from that.
I have to leave the country in the next few weeks to re-up my Visa and have decided to go to Panama and I am going to get certified to SCUBA dive. It is about $400 cheaper then getting certified on the Barrier Reef in Australia, so then I can just dive when I am there. Very excited! And in approximately one month Kristina, her dad and fiancée are coming!
Oh, also, I finally got back in the water a few days ago after my sting ray incident. The doctor gave me clearance. This is something that I was dreading. I love the water. I love swimming, I love water sports and I have NEVER had any fear of the water in my life. I talked to someone who is a surfer and was stung and he said you just have to get back out there as soon as you can or the fear will paralyze you. So, I went to the beach. I laid on the beach for like an hour, telling myself I just wanted to lay, but really I was just freaking scared out of my mind. Finally, I just said, Kimberly, you HAVE to do this, face your fears, get out there, you will be OK. I slowly, slowly walked out through the water. I shuffled my feet in the sane (supposed to scare off sting rays) and eventually was completely in the water. I saw a dark thing and started to panic, like really freak out. Then I realized it was my shadow…haha. It freaked me out not being able to see what was down there. I literally had to talk to myself outloud to calm myself down to convince myself to stay in the water. I knew that the whole sting ray incident had been very traumatizing and emotionally scaring, but until I got out in the water I didn’t realize how much it had affected me. I kept thinking I saw red water (like right after I had been stung). Of course I didn’t, but I kept imagining I did. After about 20 minutes I decided that was a good enough start and got out of the water. I haven’t been back yet, but I will. It is really hard for me. Water has always been something I loved and felt so at peace while I was swimming and now I have so much fear. I just keep telling myself, how many people have been stung TWICE by a ray? I think it is something that will just take time for me until I am comfortable again in the water. It might actually be for the better. I have never had ANY fear of the water. I have occasionally done stupid things in the water (like going out in ridiculous and probably dangerous waves). This incident I think has given me a healthy sense of respect for the water and what can happen to me out there. Which, is good, or will eventually be good when I get over the fear!
Two days ago I lost my wallet, or it was stolen. Have yet to figure that out. It has been an awesome experience. Thankfully I only had around $25 in my wallet, but for here that is a shit ton of money! But 2 of mr 3 credit cards, my debit card, health insurance card and license were in there. I have had to call all the cc companies and my bank over skype which has been really hard. Only my bank would send me my debit card to Nicaragua, which is REALLY frustrating! Thankfully I had an emergency card in my room in case something like this ever happened. I went to the police station, but no luck and I don’t assume it will be turned in. Boo. I found out I didn’t have my wallet when I went to pay for a bunch of groceries! Very embarrassing…! And, I broke my RX sunglasses the other day ) : It has been a rough couple of weeks for me, but things are starting to look up, hopefully!
Well, I think that is about it for now…hope you enjoyed reading this very long entry! In the next few days I am going to attempt to get contacts down here…what an adventure that will be! Wish me luck.
Talk to you later,
Kimberly
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